‘The Measure Of A Man’ Is Intensely Personal For Director Demetrius ‘Illski’ Jones

(Photo courtesy of Demetrius “Illski” Jones)

For Demetrius “Illski” Jones, his film The Measure of a Man comes from a deeply intimate place.

“It began with my little brother,” he said in an email interview. “I was contemplating his experience as a gay man and how, from my perspective, society can be harder on gay men than on gay women. He and I had disagreed about homosexuality, and I wanted to show him that I understood him. When I was little, Michael Hamilton came to stay at our house. That experience became the basis for expressing something to my brother that I hadn’t been able to communicate through our disagreements.”

“Initially, this film wasn’t about reaching the world. It was personal,” he said. “I wanted to show that someone who is considered different, however different they may be, still has something valuable to offer.”

The true story behind The Measure of a Man

The Measure of a Man is based on a time in Jones’ life in which an older cousin, Michael Hamilton, lived with him and his family for about two weeks. During that time, his cousin made a stark impact on his life.

“I didn’t grow up with Michael over a period of years. He stayed in our home for maybe two weeks when I was twelve. What stayed with me was the impact he made in that short time,” he said.

“Michael was my father’s cousin. He had been a star football player in high school and was popular with the ladies,” he said. “When he told his father and family that he was gay, he experienced rejection, although his brothers and sisters accepted him as time went on. He came to Atlanta around the time my parents were separating, and my mother gave him a place to stay. We lived in a middle-class neighborhood, but our income didn’t match our surroundings. My mother was working two jobs, and my father was no longer in the house.”

Jones recounted a time when he was getting ready to go to his first house party. Hamilton helped him get ready.

“Michael was fashionable and masculine in his appearance, and he let me wear his black-and-white MCM outfit—the shorts and matching jacket. There was a girl I liked who was two years older than me, and he told me exactly what to say to her. I went to the party wearing his outfit, followed his advice, and she became my girlfriend,” he said. “Michael gave me confidence through action. He lent me something that helped me feel good about myself and gave me practical advice I could actually use. At twelve, that meant something.”

However, when Jones’ father came home, Hamilton was forced to leave.

“When my father came home, there wasn’t a long discussion. His reaction was immediate: ‘Get this man out of my house.’ That was his response even though Michael was his cousin,” he said. “My father believed parents had a responsibility to control influences in the home that conflicted with what they wanted to teach their children. He did what he believed was right. But my experience of Michael was of someone fun and outgoing. There was a lot of laughter when he was around. I never saw him angry during his stay. Looking back, I recognize that his presence—and the confidence he helped me find—left an imprint on me that I carried without fully realizing it.”

Understanding queer humanity

Jones said that his thought process about homosexuality evolved as he thought about other Black men he admired, Black men who had contributed much to Black people and the world.

“I…began thinking about James Baldwin. As a kid, I read Baldwin, Langston Hughes, and Richard Wright. I didn’t know or concern myself with their sexuality. I cared about their minds and what they had to say,” he said. “When I learned as an adult that Baldwin was gay, I wondered how many people would have disregarded one of the greatest minds of the civil rights movement if they had known. Why should that change the value of what he gave our community?”

“I came to this as someone who did not support homosexuality, but who supports humanity,” he said. “To tell this story honestly, I felt I had to give voice to people who disapprove of homosexuality, people who experience that rejection, and people who feel anger toward those who disapprove. I wanted the film to feel like a conversation within our community, with room for those conflicting perspectives to be heard.”

Some might read Jones’ statement as one of conflicting beliefs. However, a film like The Measure of a Man, coming from someone like Jones, is what the Black community needs when it comes to breaking down barriers between family members and friends.

The issue of homophobia in the Black community is something that Black Americans have wrestled with for decades. It’s only been in recent years that the conversation has come to the forefront on social media and in film and television, allowing even more viewpoints to be seen and discussed. The Measure of a Man contributes to that ongoing conversation, asking people to take a second thought about the person they might be ready to eject from their lives.

“In the African American community, we already have too many divisions. Homosexuality is one of the subjects that can divide families, churches, and neighborhoods. I wanted to ask whether a difference in belief has to cost us our community,” he said. “Can we disagree and still recognize one another’s humanity, care for each other, and value what each person contributes?”

“The goal was to let both sides be heard while showing that disagreement does not have to mean abandonment,” he continued. “Those were the motivations I brought to this true story: understanding my brother, remembering Michael, and exploring how we can remain a community even when our beliefs differ.”

The film is already having a profound effect on viewers.

“Viewers have told me they cried the first time they watched it, then watched it again and cried again. That means something to me because the story connected with them deeply enough to bring them back,” said Jones.

“I wanted to offer something different within African American independent cinema: a heartwarming, compassionate story that reaches people through recognizable human relationships,” he said. “This film doesn’t rely on sexual exploitation, guns and violence, extramarital affairs, or constant yelling and screaming to hold your attention. Its emotional strength comes from the people and what they mean to one another.”

Jones said that the message he hopes gets across to viewers is that love is healing for everyone.

“When I look at the world young people are growing up in, I see violence everywhere. I see them learning more about being hypersexual than being loving. Too often, the message they receive is that violence is more acceptable than love,” he said. “I worry about young people looking for the feeling of being loved in a drug because they haven’t experienced enough of it from people who know how to give it. They hear that love is weakness, that caring makes you vulnerable, that loving someone makes you a victim.”

“I want to challenge that,” he added. “Love can make you better. Being able to give it, receive it, and recognize it in someone you might otherwise reject matters. That is why this message belongs in the film, and why I want young people to have the opportunity to experience it.”

Helping others through film

While The Measure of a Man comes from Jones’ production company, Flaming Elephant Films, Jones also runs Ndovu Films, a philanthropic nonprofit based in South Carolina. He said he wanted to associate Ndovu with Measure of a Man because “the film expresses the kind of writer, director and citizen of the world I am.”

The film also shows what kind of work Jones wants to create under Ndovu, which focuses on using film “to build sustainable support for hunger relief, housing, education and entrepreneurship,” according to its website.

“For me, the message in The Measure of a Man comes down to a choice: are we going to be a presence of love in the world, or a presence of destruction? Ndovu Films has chosen love, and our aim is to put that choice into practice,” he said.

“Our model is to help filmmakers get their films made in exchange for a percentage of ownership,” he continued. “The goal is for those films to generate income that supports the nonprofit’s programs: scholarships and grants for people pursuing education or entrepreneurship, and food for people facing hunger. We want our efforts to contribute to the global effort to eradicate hunger by 2030.”

“Film can help us recognize humanity in someone whose life is different from our own,” he said. “It can open a conversation about what we believe, how we treat people, and what our actions contribute to the world. That is where its capacity to teach and help heal begins. Through Ndovu, I want to carry that purpose beyond the story itself. The creative work can also help create opportunities, support education, and feed people. That is what choosing love means to me: allowing it to shape both what we put on the screen and what we do for people.”

The legacy of The Measure of a Man

What’s important for Jones when it comes to watching The Measure of a Man is that they “walk away with a new outlook on acceptance.”

“You may disagree with someone’s lifestyle or choices, but that disagreement does not make them unworthy of love, compassion, family, or consideration,” he said. “We can have different beliefs and still care for one another. I hope this film encourages people to see the humanity and value in someone they might otherwise reject, and to understand that disagreement does not have to mean exclusion from a family or a community.”

Overall, Jones hopes The Measure of a Man reaches people on a deeper level and makes them think about what loving someone different than you can mean.

“I wanted to reach the heart, soul, and mind—to encourage understanding and uplift our community without becoming preachy or losing touch with real life,” he said. “I believe The Measure of a Man is an enduring film. The questions it raises about love, acceptance, family, and belonging will still matter twenty years from now. Whether someone discovers it today or years from now, I want them to feel that connection and carry it into the way they treat people.”

The Measure of a Man is now available for streaming on Tubi.